Ladies Don't Bite


"So...you don't like other women? That is a shame as there are more of us". Queenie actually curled her lip at me. One side of her mouth tugged suddenly upwards like a crimson shade in an empty window. I saw a quick glimpse of disturbingly wet gums and a white incisor.

"Not at all. I like some women very much." I then popped the olive from the martini into my mouth and chewed insolently as I waited for her to speak. She stared at me some more and when she realized that tactic had been tapped out she tried another. Determined little bugger.

The watching party seemed entranced by our interaction. The violins were still being played by invisible musicians from another room-the music as melancholy as an Irishman. I could sense Gordon nervously shifting from one foot to another. I ignored his apologetic shuffling and stared at Queenie with cool amusement. Inwardly I was seething as she had hit a hot button.

The fact is, I DO like women very much. It may be an unpopular and arrogant position but I truly feel that women for the most part, are far superior to men. Of course unlike men, what makes us more vulnerable is our forgiving nature. We always forgive those we should punish and that makes us weak-not merciful. We understand, therefore we pardon.However, paradoxically it is this inability to forgive that also makes men intolerant and able to rationalize great evil. So you see-no matter what, morally, women almost always come out a head.

I think I say with great confidence that the ills of the world typically start and end with men. Women seldom abuse, rape, enslave, molest or torture (and if they do you can bet she inherited this dark legacy through the hands of her father. Or someones son.)but men have been known to do it for fun and profit. Why some have even been known to build dynasties based on their special gift for dehumanizing "the other"! Their lust makes them unfaithful even to themselves and many use their lust as a measurement for their manhood. Of course most men are not well endowed.

"Perhaps you are intimidated by me." Her eyes watched me flatly with as much humanity as a Kabuki mask.

"Perhaps you care too much what I think." I shrugged in my best Gaelic fashion.

"Who are you anyway and why are you here?" She flexed her steel tipped claws as though she were just twitching to scratch my eyes out with them. I glanced at her hands deliberately and gave her an even look rich with unspoken threats. They say most human interaction is 98% subconsciously guided by our body language. If this is true then our respective bodies were shrieking obscenities at one another.

As I am not a man, I am not susceptible to a woman's beauty in the same way. Her extraordinary looks had already lost her power over me and it was obvious that she was a narcissistic sociopath. I was not afraid of her yet but her kind could give me reason to be. I think humans are drawn to this double whammy because they think these predators are unknowable, therefore profound. At the risk of going too heavy on the zen thang', I think they seem unknowable because there is nothing to know.I have often puzzled over these sorts as I have been glamored by them once or twice. They will cannibalize you with out a thought-don't waste your energy wondering why. It's like what that famous bank robber once said when asked why he robbed banks. "Because that is where the money is". Same thing with the truly evil-they see you as a resource and if they don't you are safer.

"See? You do care what I think." I said not bothering to answer her demand. I tipped back my glass and drained it. I caught a look of Gordon's mortified face and suddenly felt contrite. After all these people were important to him and probably should be to me as well. For now. Any way, it seemed time to pull this scene off the ledge and bring it inside. Every narcissist needs an admiring throng and this crowd was no doubt owned by Queenie. The best way to defuse this was to try and cut her out of the herd. This game was important to her and Gordon was important to me so I needed to turn this in my favor and quickly. The best way? Why flattery of course. It had to seem begrudging, therefore more sincere. As SunTzu said "Those whose words are humble while they increase war preparations are going to advance. Those whose words are strong and who advance aggressively are going to retreat." Good old, old Sun Tzu.

"I will say this...I have heard something extraordinary about you and I think it might be true... " letting my voice trail off as I noted Queenie's reaction of haughty curiosity.

"Yes"? she spat imperiously. I looked around the room at our silent audience. I felt like Marie Antoinette supping at Versailles with the whole village gaping on hungrily.

"From my lips to your ears." I whispered theatrically and turned making my way through the chilly rooms toward a purple velvet settee. I swiped a glass of champagne ( it must be said-it was excellent. ) from a shockingly young and naked waiter who shyly met my eyes with a smile. I smiled back and arranged myself carefully on the sofa and sipped my sparkling wine and waited only moments. As I knew it would, her ego drew her irresistibly toward me. I watched Queenie approach until she stood before me, clawed hands on her ballerina hips.

"OK I'll bite."

"Oh I know you will." I smiled and she looked uncertain for a moment and laughed. It cut off suddenly and ended on a sharp bark. Yikes. The only thing not beautiful about her was the dying rasp of her desert, dog like laugh.

"Well...I heard that you had a sense of humor." I smirked as she barked at me again. With one long step, she sat herself near me and waved the baby waiter over. That was easy. I guess the girl was dying to talk.

"So...I have to admit, I am very intrigued yet repelled by your slave's dedication to you. How was this sacrifice made?"

Queenie pressed her lips together for a split second and I thought perhaps I got to chummy to quickly. However, she could not resist the opportunity to at least hint at her greatness.

"In Mexico. With a dull knife." She giggled horribly and I found myself giggling right along with her.

Ouch.